So here's the scoop on the week-
1- I am the worst friend ever and cannot attend Sylvannah's wedding in Las Vegas, and I am truly and deeply sorry. I wish her, Georgia, and her fiancee John only the best, and many happy years together.
2- I got a surprise text from Corey last night that for just train fare, I could go with him to see Mary Poppins on Broadway today through his camp job. So I got to see a pretty decent show and a very decent man in one day =)
3- In spite of the fact that I cannot be in Las Vegas this week, this does mean that I will be able to bake apple pie with Kathleen, see Jess and my amazing nephew (who now talks to me on the phone!), see Corey again, and get to go to Sunday dinner at Mima's ... Hear that, Corey? Sunday dinner? =D
Anyway, that's just a quick update. Now, I have to run and VOMIT because Cor couldn't talk me out of a ten piece chicken nugget combo at McDonald's today, and my body is reacting about the same way Lindsay did when she heard "90 days in prison" and not "90 days in Club Med". Let's just say there has been tears, disillusionment, and sorrow.
Wish me luck...
<3
Peace
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Almost Forgot!
... And how could I?! I hope you like the new layout for the blog- I think it was overdue for a facelift (hear that, Whitney Houston?) so here's the new deal!
Let me know what you think!
<3
Peace
Let me know what you think!
<3
Peace
Crugs
This is going to be a relatively short post- I just wanted to stop in and say that as of July 3rd, Corey and I are officially in a relationship =)
All of the failed attempts at flirting, missed signals, successful attempts at flirting, observed signals, and eventually *crugs* paid off. I am beyond happy to have such a cute, quirky, like-minded, and overall amAZing person in my life, and I'm infinitely grateful.
Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive and expressed congratulations! Never thought it would have been such a big deal, but I guess I'm just surrounded by a lot of unbelievable people.
On a side-note: Some websites I've been visiting that I would love to advocate-
- The website for the National Equality March. I hope there will be another one this year, because last year's was one of the most moving and unparalleled moments in my life.
http://equalityacrossamerica.org/blog/?page_id=19
- Broadway Impact's website- also related to the NEM, this grassroots campaign (started by Gavin Creel, Rory O'Malley, and Jenny Kanelos) is a response from the theatre community to the national campaign for marriage equality. Excellent group, give them a look!
http://www.broadwayimpact.com/
That's all for now. Again, thank you everyone for your well-wishes, it means a lot =)
<3
Peace
All of the failed attempts at flirting, missed signals, successful attempts at flirting, observed signals, and eventually *crugs* paid off. I am beyond happy to have such a cute, quirky, like-minded, and overall amAZing person in my life, and I'm infinitely grateful.
Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive and expressed congratulations! Never thought it would have been such a big deal, but I guess I'm just surrounded by a lot of unbelievable people.
On a side-note: Some websites I've been visiting that I would love to advocate-
- The website for the National Equality March. I hope there will be another one this year, because last year's was one of the most moving and unparalleled moments in my life.
http://equalityacrossamerica.org/blog/?page_id=19
- Broadway Impact's website- also related to the NEM, this grassroots campaign (started by Gavin Creel, Rory O'Malley, and Jenny Kanelos) is a response from the theatre community to the national campaign for marriage equality. Excellent group, give them a look!
http://www.broadwayimpact.com/
That's all for now. Again, thank you everyone for your well-wishes, it means a lot =)
<3
Peace
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Let's Elaborate...
I couldn't stand the thought of someone from school happening upon my little blog and thinking that I was being completely disparaging about my professors in the acting program... that is, without furthering my point =)
I wanted to share some specific moments and thoughts that explain why I've been so hard on my professors so that people don't think I'm just some bitter, bad actor who's looking for an excuse. I know I'm a bad actor, but I need no excuses.
So let's start with an instance that occurred almost two years ago (ouch) when I was taking acting with one of the BFA Acting teachers. For all intents and purposes, let's call her "S". I was truly struggling in her class, and I mean STRUGGLING. I would go in not knowing what I was doing or where to start, and all she would ever say to me was "Go deeper, go deeper". Now, as a reader, you might be thinking, "But what does that MEAN, 'go deeper'?" If you are, GOOD- because that's exactly what I thought. It's much easier to say to someone "go deeper" than it is to sit down and discuss the block in the person's performing process.
After about two or three months of going into that blackbox twice per week and feeling like a complete failure, I wrote "S" an in-depth and desperate email explaining that I was lost and felt like I was a complete failure. She told me to come in for a meeting that following Monday, only to explain that all students go through that period of feeling lost, and I should stick it out... and the problem went unsolved, I continued to flounder.
The next semester, however, "S" went on sabbatical, and a substitute ("D") stepped in. "D" worked with us all on our "true voice", Alexander Technique, what I would later learn was "Substitution", and many other aspects of performance and exercises that clearly defined how to use our minds and bodies to become performers. Finally, structure! Understanding! Objective! It was like some acting fairy (and I think that's the only word you can use to truly describe "D") swooped in and showed me that I wasn't a lost cause, I just didn't have the right tools. "Go deeper" finally had meaning because I knew how to do it, and what it meant.
After the short-lived progress made in "D"'s class, I entered "J"'s class, only to feel, once again, like a complete failure and ignoramus. One week a performance was good, the next week the same performance was bad. No choices onstage were correct. Constant contradictions in technical explanations. Complete DISCARD of technical explanations. Absolutely no positive criticism. 45-minute discussions about the business of being a film actor... in a classical acting (aka- shakespeare) class. And I'm not saying those conversations aren't important, but when I'm supposed to be doing A Midsummer Night's Dream and we're talking about "The Wire", something's gone the way of the wind...
Once again, I lost all respect for my acting teacher- which leaves me with ONE acting teacher that made a positive impression on me... an adjunct. No teacher taught us about the method, or stanislovsky, which is what we were supposed to be learning. No teacher worked with us on basic technique or application of what we'd "learned". There were no lessons! Is this acting class? Am I paying $26,000.00 per year to be told "Go deeper"?
So when I say that I learned more in one semester with an adjunct and four days reading Uta Hagen's "Respect For Acting" than I did in a full year of classes with MSU's finest, I wish I could say I was kidding. Please don't get me wrong- they are nice people with the best intentions (most of the time) and I am not trying to imply that they aren't good people. I am saying, though, that masterclasses, structured curriculum, and a more explanatory process of what is going on the classroom when it is going on would be a great improvement.
I apologize if this all comes off as snotty, but reading the book made me so angry that these very basic techniques were simply breezed over. Even if they weren't intended as part of the curriculum, I feel that a teacher should be able to look at a student who is struggling and help them to find the best route to the best outcome, and I felt that I was thrown into the shark tank and told not to bleed. Acting is not mathematic, or even logical sometimes- it depends so heavily on the individual's response to so many things that when a student is not succeeding with the given technique, it only makes sense for the teacher to take a different approach with that student. I only wish that someone had pointed me in the right direction so that I could have started this process earlier.
So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. No grudges, no anger, just some unfinished business that I felt I needed to explain and get off my chest. I'm going to keep reading Uta's books and write some of my thoughts here, and maybe even share a few thoughts from my personal journal. One of these days I promise I will write a light-hearted post...
<3
Peace
I wanted to share some specific moments and thoughts that explain why I've been so hard on my professors so that people don't think I'm just some bitter, bad actor who's looking for an excuse. I know I'm a bad actor, but I need no excuses.
So let's start with an instance that occurred almost two years ago (ouch) when I was taking acting with one of the BFA Acting teachers. For all intents and purposes, let's call her "S". I was truly struggling in her class, and I mean STRUGGLING. I would go in not knowing what I was doing or where to start, and all she would ever say to me was "Go deeper, go deeper". Now, as a reader, you might be thinking, "But what does that MEAN, 'go deeper'?" If you are, GOOD- because that's exactly what I thought. It's much easier to say to someone "go deeper" than it is to sit down and discuss the block in the person's performing process.
After about two or three months of going into that blackbox twice per week and feeling like a complete failure, I wrote "S" an in-depth and desperate email explaining that I was lost and felt like I was a complete failure. She told me to come in for a meeting that following Monday, only to explain that all students go through that period of feeling lost, and I should stick it out... and the problem went unsolved, I continued to flounder.
The next semester, however, "S" went on sabbatical, and a substitute ("D") stepped in. "D" worked with us all on our "true voice", Alexander Technique, what I would later learn was "Substitution", and many other aspects of performance and exercises that clearly defined how to use our minds and bodies to become performers. Finally, structure! Understanding! Objective! It was like some acting fairy (and I think that's the only word you can use to truly describe "D") swooped in and showed me that I wasn't a lost cause, I just didn't have the right tools. "Go deeper" finally had meaning because I knew how to do it, and what it meant.
After the short-lived progress made in "D"'s class, I entered "J"'s class, only to feel, once again, like a complete failure and ignoramus. One week a performance was good, the next week the same performance was bad. No choices onstage were correct. Constant contradictions in technical explanations. Complete DISCARD of technical explanations. Absolutely no positive criticism. 45-minute discussions about the business of being a film actor... in a classical acting (aka- shakespeare) class. And I'm not saying those conversations aren't important, but when I'm supposed to be doing A Midsummer Night's Dream and we're talking about "The Wire", something's gone the way of the wind...
Once again, I lost all respect for my acting teacher- which leaves me with ONE acting teacher that made a positive impression on me... an adjunct. No teacher taught us about the method, or stanislovsky, which is what we were supposed to be learning. No teacher worked with us on basic technique or application of what we'd "learned". There were no lessons! Is this acting class? Am I paying $26,000.00 per year to be told "Go deeper"?
So when I say that I learned more in one semester with an adjunct and four days reading Uta Hagen's "Respect For Acting" than I did in a full year of classes with MSU's finest, I wish I could say I was kidding. Please don't get me wrong- they are nice people with the best intentions (most of the time) and I am not trying to imply that they aren't good people. I am saying, though, that masterclasses, structured curriculum, and a more explanatory process of what is going on the classroom when it is going on would be a great improvement.
I apologize if this all comes off as snotty, but reading the book made me so angry that these very basic techniques were simply breezed over. Even if they weren't intended as part of the curriculum, I feel that a teacher should be able to look at a student who is struggling and help them to find the best route to the best outcome, and I felt that I was thrown into the shark tank and told not to bleed. Acting is not mathematic, or even logical sometimes- it depends so heavily on the individual's response to so many things that when a student is not succeeding with the given technique, it only makes sense for the teacher to take a different approach with that student. I only wish that someone had pointed me in the right direction so that I could have started this process earlier.
So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. No grudges, no anger, just some unfinished business that I felt I needed to explain and get off my chest. I'm going to keep reading Uta's books and write some of my thoughts here, and maybe even share a few thoughts from my personal journal. One of these days I promise I will write a light-hearted post...
<3
Peace
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wow...
I promise I'll be better about this! I know it's been a long time, but there hasn't been a lot going on to report about.
I did some temp work for an Allstate office in town, so I have a bit of spending money (which was MUCH needed), but the job hunt continues. I applied to the Gap today, so Adam Sandler, David Spade, and Chris Farley just better look out. I guess we'll see where that goes...
Corey and I are doing great, I'm very happy to say =) I wish we got to see each other more often, but I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm crossing my fingers that next week we'll be able to get together and spend some time watching movies and eating terrible (great) food... in pajamas.
I do have some stuff to write about regarding some acting exercises I've been doing to keep fresh and learn more- I want to take a class or something just to get more than the nut jobs at Montclair have to offer. I've been reading Uta Hagen's "Respect For Acting" (Why was this not a textbook????) and I've found it is HUGELY helpful in explaining all the shit that my acting teachers are apparently incapable of articulating. For a long time I thought it just wasn't possible to explain the techniques that they were trying to pass on to their students... as it turns out, it is in fact quite possible, and they just aren't very good teachers. Their lessons were just missing *actual* technique, explanation, and structure. If we'd been learning what Uta teaches in the order she explains it, I think Montclair's students would be far better off. Instead we get the indecisive, nondescript teachings of people whose knowledge I have no choice but to question. I'm not saying there's a recipe for good acting, but I am saying that if we had actual lessons and exercises, rather than just throwing us all in the deep end to sink or swim, we might have had a better shot at success. Sometimes I think they just don't want all of us to succeed, but that might just be my pessimism...
Anyway, I'm going to Liz's for movies and junk food (a common theme in my life, apparently...) so I'll be back to write again soon. You'd think with so much free time, I'd be able to write more, right? We'll see...
<3
Peace
I did some temp work for an Allstate office in town, so I have a bit of spending money (which was MUCH needed), but the job hunt continues. I applied to the Gap today, so Adam Sandler, David Spade, and Chris Farley just better look out. I guess we'll see where that goes...
Corey and I are doing great, I'm very happy to say =) I wish we got to see each other more often, but I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm crossing my fingers that next week we'll be able to get together and spend some time watching movies and eating terrible (great) food... in pajamas.
I do have some stuff to write about regarding some acting exercises I've been doing to keep fresh and learn more- I want to take a class or something just to get more than the nut jobs at Montclair have to offer. I've been reading Uta Hagen's "Respect For Acting" (Why was this not a textbook????) and I've found it is HUGELY helpful in explaining all the shit that my acting teachers are apparently incapable of articulating. For a long time I thought it just wasn't possible to explain the techniques that they were trying to pass on to their students... as it turns out, it is in fact quite possible, and they just aren't very good teachers. Their lessons were just missing *actual* technique, explanation, and structure. If we'd been learning what Uta teaches in the order she explains it, I think Montclair's students would be far better off. Instead we get the indecisive, nondescript teachings of people whose knowledge I have no choice but to question. I'm not saying there's a recipe for good acting, but I am saying that if we had actual lessons and exercises, rather than just throwing us all in the deep end to sink or swim, we might have had a better shot at success. Sometimes I think they just don't want all of us to succeed, but that might just be my pessimism...
Anyway, I'm going to Liz's for movies and junk food (a common theme in my life, apparently...) so I'll be back to write again soon. You'd think with so much free time, I'd be able to write more, right? We'll see...
<3
Peace
Monday, May 17, 2010
Good Things Do Happen!
I know the last few posts have been a little depressing, a little stressed out, a little high anxiety, but I'm happy to say that this one is much happier =)
In the last, I guess, 2 weeks, things have just improved exponentially. My acting class with good ol' Georgie boy, (or Jorge Posada, as Brittany has taken to calling him) is over and done, and I'll probably walk away with a shitty grade because he felt he had to select me out of the group of 18 people to penalize for accumulated absences. But I don't care! The class is over, I HAVE to have passed, so I'm happy =)
The year is over, I passed all my juries (including my vocal jury, which was a FIASCO, to put it mildly) and finished all my tests, and even managed to feel good about some of it. Most importantly, I met (or rather, got to know) someone who's been making me feel especially amazing =)
It started off with a few conversations on facebook, very romantic, and then turned into dancing at Gala, and then became walks, which eventually led to semi-dates, which led to watching movies, and then not watching movies =D I've known him for a while now, but only really got to know him very recently, and it's just been the most amazing thing- no pressure, just being with each other and enjoying ourselves. It's been a long time since I felt this strongly about someone, and I'm glad it's him because he's very special. I guess we'll see where this goes =)
Besides that, I'm REALLY excited about my Mt. Washington Audition- it went well, they gave me some great feedback, and I'm hoping it might lead to me going and getting a role or two this year! Very exciting, I would love to go back and give Mt. Wash another shot, knowing better this year how to take care of myself, take advantage of my time there, and especially know my limits. I think last year I pushed myself a bit too far physically, and I wound up paying for it. This year I would love to go and just enjoy every second. However, I don't have the job yet, so I shouldn't say things like that... but I did.
Other than that, I'm just looking for work to fill the time either between now and June or now and September. Unfortunately for us both, my new romance lives in waaaaaaay South Jersey, and I do not... so I have to scrounge up a little cash to get down and visit.
So that's basically the long and short of life right now. Sorry this post isn't that interesting, I'm a little tired and not really feeling funny =P Next time, though, I'll start with a joke.
<3
Peace
In the last, I guess, 2 weeks, things have just improved exponentially. My acting class with good ol' Georgie boy, (or Jorge Posada, as Brittany has taken to calling him) is over and done, and I'll probably walk away with a shitty grade because he felt he had to select me out of the group of 18 people to penalize for accumulated absences. But I don't care! The class is over, I HAVE to have passed, so I'm happy =)
The year is over, I passed all my juries (including my vocal jury, which was a FIASCO, to put it mildly) and finished all my tests, and even managed to feel good about some of it. Most importantly, I met (or rather, got to know) someone who's been making me feel especially amazing =)
It started off with a few conversations on facebook, very romantic, and then turned into dancing at Gala, and then became walks, which eventually led to semi-dates, which led to watching movies, and then not watching movies =D I've known him for a while now, but only really got to know him very recently, and it's just been the most amazing thing- no pressure, just being with each other and enjoying ourselves. It's been a long time since I felt this strongly about someone, and I'm glad it's him because he's very special. I guess we'll see where this goes =)
Besides that, I'm REALLY excited about my Mt. Washington Audition- it went well, they gave me some great feedback, and I'm hoping it might lead to me going and getting a role or two this year! Very exciting, I would love to go back and give Mt. Wash another shot, knowing better this year how to take care of myself, take advantage of my time there, and especially know my limits. I think last year I pushed myself a bit too far physically, and I wound up paying for it. This year I would love to go and just enjoy every second. However, I don't have the job yet, so I shouldn't say things like that... but I did.
Other than that, I'm just looking for work to fill the time either between now and June or now and September. Unfortunately for us both, my new romance lives in waaaaaaay South Jersey, and I do not... so I have to scrounge up a little cash to get down and visit.
So that's basically the long and short of life right now. Sorry this post isn't that interesting, I'm a little tired and not really feeling funny =P Next time, though, I'll start with a joke.
<3
Peace
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Let the Sunshine In
I have no excuse, it has been entirely too long since I've written here... and I'm sure anyone who might be reading this is probably thinking that I've been saying that far too often recently.
The truth is that I actively took a little time away from the blog, as well as any other extracurricular endeavors, to try to figure some things out. I am very happy to report that this was a good choice =)
I decided I needed some time to clear my head, and I did just that. I've spent a lot of time trying to work things out with my roommates, which is an ongoing process, but has taken leaps and bounds forward to finding a happy place again. I cannot stress how much I love my girls, and how much I have learned from them in the last three years. I don't want to get too sentimental about it, but I am so glad that we're communicating again and being a family.
As far as everything else is concerned, there's just so much. I've been taking a lot of walks, listening to a lot of new music, and trying to appreciate what's right in front of me. The more I try to figure myself out, the more I realize I wasn't ever that lost, I just thought I was. I'm growing so much these days, just trying to see everything in a new light and spread joy and positivity. I'm surrounding myself with people who are so amazing and kind, and I'm learning everyday and trying to practice more of what I preach.
I think this whole process has also made me more aware of the fact that I am connected in such an inexplicable way to everyone and everything around me. At the risk of sounding way too much like a flower-child, I just feel this intense connection to the world right now and I want to experience as much as I possibly can. I've experienced such a thrill for life, and I just want to share it.
That being said, there are still a few things that I'm working through/toward. I have a tendency to go through these periods of not dating, frankly because I don't date around a lot. I haven't felt sparks for a while, and I was beginning to worry a bit about that aspect of my life- at least, about why I was choosing to be single- but recently there have been sparks, and I'm just trying to go with the flow. For some reason, I always forget that feeling of being newly attracted to someone and the excitement of learning about each other.
On a completely different note, I feel like my emotions have been all over the place- I'll feel content, then sad, then overjoyed, then anxious... you get the picture. While some of this can probably be attributed to the notorious queeriod (The period gay men experience that lasts three weeks instead of the female's one), there have definitely been specific incidences-
1- Getting on the scale... no explanation required.
2- A week ago we put my dog to sleep. Griffin was almost 14 years old, and he was just amazing. I hope he led a good life, and I truly think he did, but sometimes I wonder if I could have made his life a little better. More walks, more attention, etc. I feel almost like a parent who's lost a child, and I've been experiencing these pangs of guilt just wondering if I could have been a better owner. I literally grew up with Griffin, and it is so strange knowing he's not going to be there when I go home. I also feel like for some reason I haven't fully experienced his death, and one of these days it's gonna hit me like a bag of bricks. As strange as it may sound, I'm almost looking forward to it because I want to get these feelings off my chest =/
3- I feel better about myself as a performer, although I'm sure I can continue to grow. I think that's the way it always is for anyone in the business (if they're smart)- we should always continue to learn from each other and from our experiences and to grow.
Today I had a great audition for the summer stock company I worked with last summer. They are producing "Singin' in the Rain", "The Music Man", "HAIR", and "The Full Monty". I auditioned this morning, and was asked on the spot to read for Woof in "HAIR" and Malcolm and Ethan in "The Full Monty". I'm not expecting anything, although I'm hopeful, but it felt so good to go in and give an audition that I felt confident about and to see it pay off with at LEAST a callback. Even if I don't get the parts, or even hired for that matter, I feel like I at least made a good impression. I'm happy about it =)
So that's all for now. It's been a very long day and a VERY long week, so I'm exhausted. I'll try to post more now that I'm feeling a bit more myself.
<3
Peace
The truth is that I actively took a little time away from the blog, as well as any other extracurricular endeavors, to try to figure some things out. I am very happy to report that this was a good choice =)
I decided I needed some time to clear my head, and I did just that. I've spent a lot of time trying to work things out with my roommates, which is an ongoing process, but has taken leaps and bounds forward to finding a happy place again. I cannot stress how much I love my girls, and how much I have learned from them in the last three years. I don't want to get too sentimental about it, but I am so glad that we're communicating again and being a family.
As far as everything else is concerned, there's just so much. I've been taking a lot of walks, listening to a lot of new music, and trying to appreciate what's right in front of me. The more I try to figure myself out, the more I realize I wasn't ever that lost, I just thought I was. I'm growing so much these days, just trying to see everything in a new light and spread joy and positivity. I'm surrounding myself with people who are so amazing and kind, and I'm learning everyday and trying to practice more of what I preach.
I think this whole process has also made me more aware of the fact that I am connected in such an inexplicable way to everyone and everything around me. At the risk of sounding way too much like a flower-child, I just feel this intense connection to the world right now and I want to experience as much as I possibly can. I've experienced such a thrill for life, and I just want to share it.
That being said, there are still a few things that I'm working through/toward. I have a tendency to go through these periods of not dating, frankly because I don't date around a lot. I haven't felt sparks for a while, and I was beginning to worry a bit about that aspect of my life- at least, about why I was choosing to be single- but recently there have been sparks, and I'm just trying to go with the flow. For some reason, I always forget that feeling of being newly attracted to someone and the excitement of learning about each other.
On a completely different note, I feel like my emotions have been all over the place- I'll feel content, then sad, then overjoyed, then anxious... you get the picture. While some of this can probably be attributed to the notorious queeriod (The period gay men experience that lasts three weeks instead of the female's one), there have definitely been specific incidences-
1- Getting on the scale... no explanation required.
2- A week ago we put my dog to sleep. Griffin was almost 14 years old, and he was just amazing. I hope he led a good life, and I truly think he did, but sometimes I wonder if I could have made his life a little better. More walks, more attention, etc. I feel almost like a parent who's lost a child, and I've been experiencing these pangs of guilt just wondering if I could have been a better owner. I literally grew up with Griffin, and it is so strange knowing he's not going to be there when I go home. I also feel like for some reason I haven't fully experienced his death, and one of these days it's gonna hit me like a bag of bricks. As strange as it may sound, I'm almost looking forward to it because I want to get these feelings off my chest =/
3- I feel better about myself as a performer, although I'm sure I can continue to grow. I think that's the way it always is for anyone in the business (if they're smart)- we should always continue to learn from each other and from our experiences and to grow.
Today I had a great audition for the summer stock company I worked with last summer. They are producing "Singin' in the Rain", "The Music Man", "HAIR", and "The Full Monty". I auditioned this morning, and was asked on the spot to read for Woof in "HAIR" and Malcolm and Ethan in "The Full Monty". I'm not expecting anything, although I'm hopeful, but it felt so good to go in and give an audition that I felt confident about and to see it pay off with at LEAST a callback. Even if I don't get the parts, or even hired for that matter, I feel like I at least made a good impression. I'm happy about it =)
So that's all for now. It's been a very long day and a VERY long week, so I'm exhausted. I'll try to post more now that I'm feeling a bit more myself.
<3
Peace
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