For Mima

Just a short post-

2012 Has been crazy so far- lots of auditions coming up, which is great, because at the end of last year I was kind of falling off the horse with that one... and instead of getting back on, I was just kind of shrugging in the dirt, thinking, "Eh... I'll catch the next one that comes by."

The biggest change this year, though, is that on December 30th my grandmother passed away. She was one of the most loving, supportive, and funny people I have ever had the privilege of knowing, making this one of the most confusing and shocking moments in my life.

At every show, Mima was there. Whenever I sang, she was there. She loved when I recorded songs for her, she always wanted to talk about actors, movies, musicals, and (more than anything) show biz stories. She just had this enthusiasm for what I did that inspired me to love it even more, and I always loved that if something great happened she was so excited for me.

Lately I have been doubting myself. I have been doubting my abilities as a performer, I have been doubting my choices to pursue it, and I have been doubting whether or not it truly makes me happy anymore. But when I think of how she loved me and had such unwavering faith in me, it makes me want to prove myself. It makes me realize that she (as well as so many other people I love) had so little doubt that I had something special about me that she never once discouraged me from following my dream.

While I do get sad when I think of how much I miss her- even realizing that this is the first blog post that I'll have written that she didn't get to read- I also know that she is always here with me. Now when I walk into the audition room, I won't have to wait til Sunday dinner to tell her how it went, because she will be there with me. From now on, Mima is my guardian angel.

As I approach this crazy audition season and PRAY that someone will give me a job, perhaps my prayers are exactly what I need.

<3
Peace

The Actor Does What?

... Oh, right... he knits. So guess what I'm doing? I'm knitting!

Alright, folks, so here's the deal- For the last month and a half I've been a mess. I've been bitter about the stupid philosophy class, working two jobs (one that will definitely get its own post... I worked for Miranda Priestly), doubting my ability to break into this business we call 'Show', and just a plethora of other terrible things.

The point is that I'm making a concerted effort to put all of those terrible feelings behind me! It's time again, I think, to put that extra hitch in my giddy-up that I always seem to need. This time, I'm doing it by relaxing and having fun with the needles and some crochet-weight yarn. I'm working on some lace, which I haven't done in a while, and is challenging, but great.

I've been working on the Stor Rund Dug pattern doily from yarnover.net... awesome pattern! I'll post pictures soon.

Sorry this post lacked personality- give me time to heal, you'll get that sarcastic bitch back in no time.

<3
Peace

A New Dawn... of the Dead

What happens when you take an actor + a blowout fight with his only source of income - a job + an unpaid gig?

The answer is a big problem. A problem not even Chinese third grade math whizzes can solve (and trust me, they're still trying).

Here's the situation- I failed a class in my last semester of college. To be fair, it was because of my atypically busy schedule and my own undertaking of too many obligations in one semester. However, I only failed philosophy by 5% of the grade, and when I offered to do extra credit, the teacher, a lovely, lovely man, insulted me and refused. Now I'm not saying he's a bad person, I'm only saying he's a misogynist half-wit who lacks compassion or human emotions. I'm not bitter.

So what to do about this little dilemma? Obviously, the answer is to commit myself to a show that doesn't pay and eats up time during the day that could be occupied by a job. Now, if I didn't have to pay $900 for a philosophy class, I wouldn't have to turn down projects that are directly related to my degree (not bitter). Especially not turning them down in order to study something that is trivial and unrelated to anything I will have any use for (does anyone else taste dark chocolate?). Unfortunately, I didn't have the forethought to realize that $900 does not, contrary to popular belief, simply materialize when needed, else wouldn't all of the NJ housewives be saved?

So I took the non-paying job, only to discover now that I have an excellent opportunity to make money. Yes, money- the green stuff that philosophy teachers don't make (seriously, dark chocolate? Coffee maybe?). I find myself in quite a pickle- and not the kind I'd normally enjoy (minds OUT of the gutter, thank you). I'm going to have to, now two rehearsals in, back out of a project... which only makes me look bad. All because a visiting professor who is a huge Kant couldn't let me make up 5% of my grade. Now I don't want to be offensive or libel and go tarnishing this man's name. I will only say he was a visiting professor at Montclair State University teaching an Introduction to Philosophy course in the Spring of 2011. He may also, at this time, have been the chairperson of the Philosophy Department at Nyack College in NY, and/or written a book entitled "Eyes That See, Ears That Hear". Just a few biographical facts.

So this modern philosopher (which I'm sure is the equivalent of a 17th Century rocket scientist) has now effectively come between me and my first passion- performing. I don't take this lightly. I don't take anything lightly, else I wouldn't constantly be on a diet.

So you can understand why these days posts are less frequent and more aggressive. Unfortunately, turds that choose to be self-important are not the same as professors. I think a professor would have chosen to have a positive impact on a student who is not even committed, by their degree, to the professor's class. I think they also would have been able to assess that a well written, insightful paper discussing the topics of the course and their practical application to the student's own views was enough to warrant a second chance at making good. To my dismay, these points are frequently overlooked by men with small penises... like philosophers.

Not bitter.

<3
Peace

Across the Universe

It has been a ROUGH couple of weeks, everyone.

Let me tell you, graduating (or not...) is not an easy process to go through. Suddenly coming home for what seems like forever, being a little trapped, being fooled into thinking it's just summer vacation... it sucks.

I found a temporary job which, for the moment, looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. I'll be teaching theatre to kids at a camp in a neighboring town, ages 8-14 for about six weeks. I'm so excited to get to share what I've learned and loved about theatre with young people- let's hope they're as excited as I am.

Unfortunately, the battle of the dueling philosophies continues. Oh, have I not told you this story yet? Well, that's going to be a separate post. There is FAR too much information to squeeze into this one. But trust me, I have been jerked around one-too-many times by the good old crew over in the Philosophy department at MSU. Trust me, I will be pulling NO punches in my description of that fiasco, especially considering the fact that I have the entire thing well documented.

So for the time being, just know that I am slowly but surely solving the problem, trying to be the better man, but taking no prisoners. This one has been a particularly nasty fight, but I have faith that I'll be the one coming out on top in the end. No homo.

Ok, yes homo.

<3
Peace

A New Day

So much is happening!

-I've recently signed with my first agent, Renee Glicker of About Artists Agency, or "Triple A", as I've been calling them, since hopefully they are going to give my career the much-needed roadside assistance it's been warranting.

-I am (hopefully) graduating from Montclair in May. I can't even discuss this right now. All I will say is that A) The worst thing to ever happen to me was getting a liberal arts education, and B) Montclair State University is a gallivanting, cursing, cut-throat bunch of highway robbers. But good Karma, I wish them well (-_-)

-I broke up with my boyfriend of about 7 months in April, and it's just been very difficult. Wishing him well, feeling guilty, and then lonely on top of it, so it's been a rough month.

Here's to hoping the coming days will bring resolution, good news, and more frequent blog posts =D

<3
Peace

And Isn't it Ironic...

Today was a very difficult day.

To tell someone you love them is both difficult and amazing. To tell them that you love them, but you are not in love with them is just difficult.

I'm a bit worn out. But if I've learned one thing today, it is that you must be honest with the people you love. Even when it is painful, it would be an injustice to them as well as to you not to share your feelings. Even though it hurts so badly right now, I have faith that we'll both come out of this one ok.

 <3
Peace

Love Is

Love is fleeting and quiet. It is healing and reaffirming. It is necessary. It is not vital. Love is constrained by limitlessness.

Right now, love is hiding.

<3
Peace