Saturday, November 27, 2010

Everything in Life is Only For Now

So much is going on.

I'm now maintaining another blog ( which is a sort of sequel/prequel/same-time-equal to this blog. I think it's easier to follow/find people on Tumblr, and more of my friends are on there, so I started one. I'll be linking between the two when there are important posts.

Sweeney is over, and I'm a little sad that it came and went so quickly. How do you rehearse a show for two months and perform an entire run in less than a week? Seven shows- that's it. Seven shows in five days. And it's such a huge show, I would say I was only physically able to be fully present for four or five of them. What a workload. I still loved it, and it was one of my favorite performances to date.

There are so many stories, from getting to die onstage when they couldn't close the barber shop fast enough, to accidentally beating Vince (the actor playing Anthony) with my cane onstage. But the best stories are the ones that are practically not stories at all- they're moments. Moments when I felt alive onstage. Moments when I was pursuing an objective, living in my character's shoes. I can honestly say that I'm finally learning to live onstage and to work in a completely new way.

It's thrilling to know that I'm taking strides forward. I'm learning about myself as a performer every day. I'm so grateful for my amazing teachers and the people who have been so supportive. I know that I struggle with my ability to feel confident in myself, in a lot of ways. But I also know that I have to believe in myself, because if I can't, no one else will.

Who knows where the roads may lead me in my life, but I'm finally beginning to feel hopeful that they might go at least in the vicinity of where I'd planned. I guess I'll just have to ride the wave as far as I can.


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