Way Ahead of My Time

I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 last night-

I know, everyone was unimpressed by the first one. RIGHT. Everyone came home saying, "Oh, that wasn't scary, I laughed the whole time" or, "Oh yeah, so unrealistic, whatever..." But you know, if even for a second, when you were laying in bed that night (that moment just after you turn the light off) you thought about whether or not you should leave your foot hanging near the edge of the bed...

Needless to say, I am a huge horror buff- but I am admittedly ALSO a scaredy-cat. I love to go see horror movies and then sit in bed at night with my eyes bloodshot and baggy. I will also admit that the first Paranormal Activity turned me into a whimpering twelve-year-old girl when that bitch got dragged down the hallway and the door slammed shut. Not only do I sleep with my door closed and locked, I sometimes leave the TV on a sleep timer, and will only hang my feet out of the blanket on the side of the bed closest to the wall. I know, I'm basically a child.

So you can only imagine my delight when the second one came out. I spent an hour convincing my friend Tom to go to the movies with me (since he's an even bigger wimp than I am), and finally set out to see the 10:15 show. Eleven dollars (whaaaaaaaaat???), a bag of popcorn, a soda, and two seats in a sparsely populated theater later, we were ready to cower into each other's arms and cry while people got thrown around by demons.

Unfortunately, this was not the case. And no- it is not because the movie was bad (not as good as the first, I'll admit, but how do you follow that? It's like being Patti LuPone's understudy- it's practically in the job description), but because of the three girls behind me. We all know the terrible stereotypes- gay people lisp, Asian people are good at math, Jews collect pennies... you get the drift. While I am NOT advocating or in any way trying to perpetuate racism, I have to be honest- black people need to stop talking in movie theaters.

I don't care about watermelon or fried chicken, we all love a good homestyle meal. But for the love of God, I did NOT pay eleven dollars to sit in the dark and listen to some fifteen year old girl narrate the movie.

"Mmm-mmm, I would NOT be stickin' around if I was her, I would be OUTTA THERE." I'm glad, now be quiet. "Why is she going up there??? Is she STUPID?" Probably, it's a horror movie, now be quiet. "LOOK AT THAT PAN! Why is that pan fallin' off da rack? Nobody's even THERE!" Yes, I see that... now be quiet.

What possesses people (No pun intended) to burst out in the middle of a room of strangers and start talking? Do they think that everyone else came to get their perspective on the unfortunate events of this movie? Have they been hired by movie executives to reinforce points of exposition in the plot? In short- WHO RAISED YOU PEOPLE??? There is nothing more irritating than being on the edge of my seat, waiting for that scary moment you know is coming, and hearing from behind you, "Hey, wasn't that orange juice she's holding practically empty the night before? HA, that's a mistake..." No, ma'am, you were- and no one wants to hear you talking.

So, now that I've had my little rant, I hope you won't think ill of me. I certainly own up to my own stereotypes, and I try to amend them when I can. I hope that somewhere those girls are quietly (psh) reflecting on their actions, and deciding that next time they will only talk during moments when the reel stops working, or during boring previews. If not, I hope they will invest in Netflix...

<3
Peace

Why Did I Start This Blog, Again?

... Oooooohhhhh right, cause I like to knit! So here's the deal-

I'm working on a new pattern for a brimmed flat-top hat. I had to take a break from the latest aran inspired scarf I've been working on (I'll post pictures soon), so I decided to be creative and make something of my own. I can't promise anything, but it's looking good so far!

If it works out, I'll be sure to post pictures and the pattern here!

Sweeney is exhausting, but amazing. Life is exhausting, but good. Love is... hard to come by, hard to ignore, and noticeably absent. Here's to hoping the universe is still churning for me...

<3
Peace

I Get By With A Little Help...

I'm exhausted- today was a very long day, with a lot going on. But I wanted to write a short blurb (ok, you know it's gonna be three pages long now) about my experience at rehearsal for Sweeney tonight.

This summer I felt so little validation. I was starting to feel like no one could see me- between everything that happened romantically, being rejected from Mount Washington, and overall feeling like I was a little invisible, I just couldn't stand the idea that I was like a ghost to so many people.

I know that my family and my close friends never allow me to go unnoticed, but I felt like onstage, offstage- it was all just like I was making it by the skin of my teeth. Tonight, though, I felt like my life has done a complete "180".

I have really committed to Sweeney. The whole process has just been so much fun for me- I'm learning every day about myself as a performer, and I've really allowed myself to make bold choices and to continue to grow onstage. I've embraced my character and done some really hard work. The point is, though, that over the last couple weeks I have spent serious time improving my skills as an actor, and I can see it paying off in the rehearsal room. I'm finally feeling like I'm doing great work, and the truth is that I've gotten a lot of positive feedback. People have been telling me how much they appreciate my work, how creepy I am, etc. And it's been so gratifying.

Tonight we ran the first act of the show for the first time all the way through. I felt so connected to my character, even when I felt like I was making choices that could go differently, I was making them as my character. At the end of the run, Jodi (the director, who has been so supportive and amazing) was giving notes, and actually took the time to make a statement about me. I can't remember the exact words verbatim, but she said to the whole company, "The thing I appreciate about his work is that I gave him this crazy, totally new take on this character and he's living in it. I can see when he's onstage that his brain is working, but as his character, and he's making choices. I appreciate that."

It's such a small comment, but as I'm sitting here getting ready for bed and letting it sink in, I'm so moved by the fact that she would take the time to let me know that she appreciates my hard work. It makes me want to work harder and go even farther with this amazing character. I've been so blessed with this opportunity, and I'm so grateful that apparently this little window into my crazy mind is some sort of vessel for the universe to help me find what I need.

Things are not perfect (are they ever?) but they are something so much better than perfect. I'm so grateful to be working on a project I'm passionate about. I'm humbled that someone is appreciating my hard work. I'm grateful to my amazing cast and crew for their hard work and support, and I'm so excited to be going through all of this with all of them. I haven't had such an amazing experience this far in my life onstage, and I'm just basking in it. Let the sunshine in =)

<3
Peace

Time Heals Everything

There has just been so much going on recently, I can't possibly describe it all.

Sweeney is going AMAZINGLY well- I have almost no complaints (except the fact that my song in the second act took some major cuts... wah wah), and everyone has just been doing such an amazing job. I can only hope it will continue to be as productive, creative, and energizing as it has been for the last two weeks.

I've been hanging out a lot with some friends that I haven't been able to spend as much time with in the past, and it's been so great. I love them so much- it's always nice to know that there are like-minded people in the world who are as crazy as I am =)

The only bad thing is I'm noticing more and more these days that everyone is kind of pairing off. It can be so hard sometimes being the single sister (and believe me, this is a role I've been playing longer than the barely-seen sidekick). It just makes me wish I could find someone to make me feel loved again- but on the same token, I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to force love, or try to make something happen that obviously isn't what I want it to be. It just makes me feel very lonely sometimes.

I've been listening to Liza's Carnegie Hall cd a lot, and found a song (ok, sort of mashup) that literally brought me to tears when I realized how closely it mirrored my life over the last few months. I wish I could post the song itself, but I don't know how... so I'll just leave you with some lyrics that have been breaking my heart recently:

I don't want him, you can have him.
He's not worth fighting for-
Besides, there's plenty more where he came from.
I don't want him, you can have him.
I'm giving him the sack-
And he can go right back where he came from.

I could never make him happy,
He'd be better off with you.
I don't think I ever loved him;
All I ever wanted to do was
Run my fingers through his curly locks,
Mend his underwear and darn his socks,
Fetch his slippers and remove his shoes,
Wipe his glasses while he read the news,
Rub his forehead with a gentle touch
Mornings after, if he's had too much,
Kiss him gently when he cuddles near,
[Be his baby all year every year],
So you see-
I don't want him, you can have him.
You can have him, I don't want him-
For he's not the man for me.

I would look a trifle silly taking him away from you.
That was never my intention,
All I ever wanted to do was
Close the window while he soundly slept,
Raid the ice box where the food is kept,
Fix a breakfast that would please him most,
Eggs and coffee, and some buttered toast,
Wake him gently with a breakfast tray,
After breakfast clear the things away,
Bring the papers in when they've been read,
Spend the balance of the day in bed-
So you see,
I don't want him, you can have him.
You can have him, I don't want him-
Fore he's not the man for me.

Time heals everything-
Tuesday, Thursday.
Time heals everything-
April, August.
If I'm patient, the break will mend,
And one fine morning the hurt will end.
So make the moments fly-
Autumn, winter.
I'll forget him by next year,
Some year.
Though it's hell that I'm going through,
Some Tuesday, Thursday,
April, August,
Autumn, winter,
Next year, some year-
Time heals everything.
Time heals everything,

So you see-
I don't want him, you can have him.
You can have him, I don't want him-
For he's not the man for me.

<3
Peace