Tuesday, September 7, 2010

If Love Were All

It has been rough. I'm so, so sorry that all of the latest blog posts have been so miserable, but I figure if there's anywhere to let it all out, it's here, right?

So I've been back at school a little less than a week, and it's just been so hard for me. Every day I think it'll be easier to see Corey, and every day I'm wrong- and I can't stop thinking about him. He's at every party, every audition, his statuses always pop up on facebook, and I just wish more than anything I could put him out of my mind. I think (and I was discussing this with my best friend today) that I need a rebound- which might not seem entirely fair, which is why I'm not rushing into anything with anyone, but it's true. Right now, I feel like I need someone to remind me that there are other guys out there and I can stop being over-dramatic.

I miss my friends SO much. Every day I wake up and my heart just hurts. I always feel like a miserable lump, missing the people who aren't here and wishing things were different. My auditions were terrible because I've been in this fog (which is making me think it's the ensemble again for Sweeney Todd this semester, if I'm even cast!), and I come home every day after class (the ones I go to, anyway) and just climb back into bed for a few hours. What worries me is that even after a 4 hour nap, I'll still go to bed at 1am and sleep through the night. I'm starting to worry that this is actually a serious bout of depression, and short of going to a therapist, I'm not really sure what to do with myself.

I don't know- the only thing getting me through is the daily screening I have in my bedroom of "Elaine Stritch at Liberty", listening to her sing sad songs and then crying until I fall asleep. All the MGM heroines would be so proud of me...

Here's to hoping tomorrow's a better day... positive thoughts! I'm really trying, I promise...


I believe in doing what I can,
Crying when I must,
Laughing when I choose.
Heigh-ho, if love were all,
I would be lonely.

I believe the more you love a man,

The more you give your trust,
The more you're bound to lose.
When shadows fall,
I think, 'If only somebody splendid really needed me."
Someone affectionate and dear.

Cares would be ended if I knew that he
Wanted to have me near.

But I believe that since my life began
The most I've had is just a talent to amuse.
If love were all...

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