Wednesday, February 24, 2010

There is a Presence in this House...

A while back, my roommate Rachel went to some kind of bizarre event and somehow came back with a helium-inflated pig. It is roughly 200 feet wide, and 7 feet tall... ok, maybe a bit smaller. But the point is, Porky (as I've come to call him) has been taking up residence in the corner of our living room next to the tv.

Now, imagine this- I'm sitting in the chair next to the tv... minding my own business... when Porky, perched quietly in his corner, suddenly drops about a foot and a half. I can understand that. "Maybe it's the wind," I think to myself, "a draft, perhaps?" I go back to my healthy round of facebook stalking, listening to Wanda Sykes on HBO.

Moments later, Porky is wandering, ever so slowly, toward the television. "Strange," I think, and I give him a slight push so that he might find his rightful spot again. I go back to the computer. Just over the top of my computer screen I see a pink mass floating slowly but determinedly towards the entertainment cabinet.

By now I am slightly frustrated, and I can't help but give old Porky a nice kick back to the corner. Wasting no time, he made a 180 degree turn and is now charging like a stealth bomber towards the screen, apparently wanting nothing more than to obscure my view of Ms. Sykes.

I reached over again, grabbed a hold of a great chunk of the pink beast, and hurled him towards a different corner of the room. The pig, now on a mission, sank another inch, and began spinning in a death swirl in my direction. As I watched my life flash before my eyes, the pig spun quickly toward my face, and in a moment whirled by, circling back towards the TV.

In a fit of rage, I threw myself on the balloon animal, wrestling it to the center of the room. I refused to give in to the power of that peptobismol colored problem, grappling and tackling until finally it escaped and began climbing back toward the ceiling. This round is over, and my view unobscured, but somehow, as I peer over my shoulder to the center of the room, I can't help but feel a slight sense of uneasiness, as though this is just the beginning...

1 comment:

  1. Puffy pigs are totally evil. Watch your back.