Saturday, January 30, 2010

Two Posts in One Day, What is This????

I know, two posts in one day, and within an hour of each other, none-the-less. The thing is, I'm really fucking pissed about something and I gotta say it- Perez Hilton is a fat, useless fuck.

They say (and who are "they", by the way?), "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." So in some bizarre act of masochism, I read Perez's blog everyday to see what stupid things he's going to say that will infuriate me. Today, he posted an article entitled, "Friends Without Makeup"- it was a picture of Lisa Kudrow walking somewhere in CA without makeup on, and being stalked by those money-hungry, worthless vulture low-lives, otherwise known as paparazzi. Here's a few points:

1- NO. Being famous does not make it ok for someone to follow you around and harass you, taking pictures of you and making up stories about you. For one thing, I don't know who is actually interested in knowing that Brangelina went shopping at Kids-R-Us today, but they need to figure out a few of their own priorities.

People think that it's just part of the package being a celebrity having paparazzi follow you, but I say, "Screw you, you have no idea what you're talking about." The few celebrities that are real actors do not deserve to be bombarded and fretted over regarding their personal lives. Actors are not animals (you ever eat with one?), they are people, and they deserve to be treated with respect. How would you feel if someone followed you around, taking unflattering pictures and printed them everywhere? So unless you want people to see YOU out of makeup, see YOUR belly bulge, look inside YOUR grocery bags and purses, shut the fuck up and mind your business.

2- My main point of business. What good is Perez Hilton? This man (and I use that term loosely) is someone who has made a career doing NOTHING. What contribution does his famous blog make to the world? His grammar is terrible, so you can't even claim that he's a writer.

All he does is sit behind his computer, safely criticizing celebrities from a distance. "Is this starlet pregnant?", "Look at HER without makeup!", "Look how much weight SHE'S put on..." I have news for you, Perez- you calling someone fat is truly the whale calling the other "Willy". Put the twinkies down for two seconds, look in the mirror, and get a fresh dose of reality. Behind those crooked teeth and that pig-face is only a layer of crisco, supported by columns of Chips Ahoy.

I mean what's this guy's deal? Some fat, ugly, talent-less hock is suddenly a critic? Isn't that always the way of it...

For instance, in the aforementioned article about Lisa Kudrow he says things like, "Everyone needs a good foundation in life... and Lisa Kudrow needs about a gallon of it on her face." Who the hell is he to be talking? That pimply, pizza faced blog-twat is no picasso, with the possible exception of the organization of his features. Mr. Ed probably got more ass than Perez Hilton. He goes on to say, "And check out her forehead! It looks like a composition notebook- wide ruled! Can we practice our cursive, please?" This from the same man (again, loosely... much like the rolls above his belt) who decries botox and plastic surgery.

I believe that this puts us in a bit of a dilemma- someone who doesn't condone botox or plastic surgery is also critical of age lines on the face? Apparently, the answer is this- ladies, STOP AGING. It's ugly.

Ugh. FUCK YOU PEREZ. Get a real job that requires real talent, which for you will probably be taste-testing sticks of butter or modeling connect-the-dots puzzles on your face.

I mean, come on- the guy isn't even a good spokesman! He's loud and offensive, forcing his opinions on people. When he got involved in that whole debacle with Carrie Prejean and her anti-gay marriage stance, he was EXACTLY the type of person I don't want to represent the gay community! Some loud-mouthed, nonsense-spewing schmuck with no information to back up his opinions. I mean, is this the face of a serious advocate for gay rights-

That looks like Mr. Clean's gay nightmare.

Please, for the love of God, let the world stop encouraging this man. I don't think I can take his loud-mouthed, disgusting hypocrisy anymore...

Peace (HA)

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